Alfa Pages

[Ben_nz]

This Christmas, my sister bought me the book "Lemon! 60 heroic failures of motoring" by Tony Davis.
It features the Alfa 33 (do you think she's trying to tell me something?)....

The book was written in Australia, where Alfa Romeo stopped selling its cars after the s3 Alfa 33, apparently because of what a lousy car the 33 was:

"You often have to dip back quite a few years to find genuine automotive atrocities, but with Alfa we need go back only to September 1990. As well as having the silliest name on the market, the Alfa 33 Boxer 16 Valve QV hatchback was a bad meal relived, and its well-deserved failure hastened the exit of Alfa from this country.

The 33, first seen down-under in 1984, was the replacement for the Alfasud. On the days it was working, the Sud was possessed of a certain charm and delightful road manners. But it established a new benchmark for 'shortgevity'. Rust was the main problem, but there were scores of others, many of which were carried across to the thirsty, unreliable, badly built 33. The various 33s I've driven exhibited the sort of unfathomable faults that only Alfa could produce. One had an interior light that came on during heavy braking. And for a small car, the 33 was surprisingly noisy. Some of the hullabaloo was a sporty engine note, but more of it was the squeaking, shaking and groaning of badly fitted components.

Like many other Alfas, the 33 - the model designation was described by some as a mark out of a hundred - offered a driving position aimed at creatures further down the evolutionary chain. Drivers with arms less than twice the length of their legs were especially uncomfortable. But at least the driver's footwell was roomy. This was because the three pedals were grouped as tightly as piano keys in the left corner.

The 1990s restyle gave the model a lower nose and a higher tail. Just incase you still had any rearward vision, there was a spoiler blocking the bottom of the rear screen and a high-mounted brake light concealing the top. By this stage the 33's original four-cylinder 'boxer' engine had been drawn out to 1.7L to produce a very peaky 98kW. A four-wheel-drive version of the 1990 33 sedan was also available. This had the added appellation of 33S P4, and more buttons to play with while you waited for roadside assistance.

After Australian buyers rejected the final, dismal 33, Alfa Romeo disappeared from the market for several years. It was a shame; for all its faults, the company had a local sales and motorsport history that went back to just after World War 1. And by the time of the company's whimpering departure, most people had forgotten the genuine excitement and stunning innovation it brought to the Australian market in the 1960s and early 1970s.

All-in-all, however, it was no great surprise. A few years earlier an Alfa Romeo chief planner had dismissed the entire Asian motor industry with the line: 'The Japanese could never build an Alfa Romeo.' If the 33 was anything to go by, neither could the Italians."


Also in this book is a section on the Alfasud, the Alfa Arna, and the NSU Ro80 (or Rotatey, as I'm sure they intended people to call it).
It's encouraging to know I own a car which is mentioned in the same book as the Lightburn Zeta (1960s Aussie car featuring 12kW 1/3L two-stroke engine, motorcycle gearbox, chain drive, a wagon body and only two doors. Not even an opening boot hatch. Access the boot by reaching behind the front seats and removing the rear seats. Oh, and to put it in reverse, you had to stop the car, turn the engine off, and restart the engine so it could spin in the opposite direction... )

[gritsop]

Is the author anti-Italian? No, not a chance...

Regards,
_________________
Thanassis Gritsopoulos
1991 Alfa 33 1.4 IE
2001 Alfa 147 1.6 Distinctive

http://www.alfa-restoration.co.uk
Parts Shop: www.alfa-restoration.co.uk/shop

[spooty22]

That is the sort of thing only somebody who drives a $300,000 BMW every day could write.

My Fathers VX Holden Calais has had more interior plastic parts break and fall off than my 25year old 'Sud. And my 1984 model Suzuki Swift had worse rust!

Nitpicking about such silly little faults is a sure way to never enjoy driving any cars!

Very uninformed and promoting the horrific and (often) untrue stereotypes about italian cars.

That's my 2 cents
_________________
1980 Sud ti

[Ben_nz]

He's probably just trying to be funny and sell books. There are many different makes of car among the 60 in this book, including predictable cars like the De Lorean DMC-12, Triumph Snag, and a Lada. There are poser fashion crimes like the Aston Martin Lagonda and Subaru Vortex, the token '80s turbo disaster (Nissan Pulsar EXA), stupid ideas like the Mazda Roadpacer, and lots of British Leyland rubbish (Morris Marina, Rover SD1, Triumph TR7 etc). Plus a bunch of old unsuccessful or Japanese-market cars you probably never heard of. There's even two Australian Holdens in the book, one of which is the HDT Director. That's the one where Australian motor racing legend Peter Brock tried to market a special edition Holden Commodore fitted with his newly-developed "Energy Polarizer". The energy polarizer was a magical kinda device which "causes all molecules in its sphere of influence to be aligned or polarized.. the overall effect is to reduce overall vehicle noises...achieve greater efficiency of the power train and steering systems, improving the engine and suspension performance". This energy polarizer was so amazing that in 1986, the HDT Director was priced at $60,000.

Edit: I just found this site about the restoration of one of the 12 HDT Directors which were built: http://www.brock05.com/reenergized.php, and it says the car's purchase price including options (and Energy Polarizer) was $87,000.

[Guest]

[Ben_nz]

Stag? Why of course.

"Then stories of the Stag's fatal unreliability began to surface. The Stag's weakness was its new [145hp] V8 engine and the reason appeared to be poor build quality. The engines suffered from bearing trouble caused by inadequately hardened crankshafts; it was prone to chronic overheating, resulting in warped alloy cylinder heads, and the timing chains could stretch a link or two, causing valves to hit pistons, and the only prevention for this was to change the timing chain every 20,000 miles. The car has gone down in folklore as the Triumph Snag."
(http://www.classic-car-mart.co.uk/newsfeatures/default.asp?Action=showarticle&ID=538&Page=3)

[basket305]

[LDA]

what does it say about the arna?? i had one and i would love to read it.. sorry if it means loads of typing.

L.
_________________
A good workman allways blames his sh*t tools.

[Tenman]

LDA, why do you appear to have an S13 as your avatar...

[sportston]

OOooh he can't talk like that! Shoot him Mr Mainwaring!