Alfa Pages

[agha33]

SIXTH SENSE
Two cowboys came upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "He's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "About two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, furniture in wagon ..."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color, what's in the wagon -- just amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ugh ... not amazing ... wagon ran ... over me ... 30 minutes ago!"

THE DRUG BUST
The phone rings at Federal Drug Enforcement Agency headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency?"
"Yes. What can we do for you?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding cocaine in his firewood."
"Thank you, this will be noted."
Next day, the Drug Enforcement agents come over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no cocaine, swear at Tom and leave.
The phone rings at Tom's house. "Hey, Tom! Did the Federal Drug Enforcement guys come by?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood for you?"
"Yeah, they did."
"Okay, now it's YOUR turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

OLD MAN
A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong.
Through his tears the old man answers, "I'm just so in love with my twenty-five-year-old wife."
"What's wrong with that?" asks the young man.
Between the sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You can't understand. Every morning before she goes to work, she cooks me breakfast and kisses me and tells me she loves me ... at lunchtime she comes home and embraces me warmly, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home with ice cream, the best an old man could want. And then after a gourmet supper, she gives me a warm bath, and cuddles up with me all night."
He breaks down, no longer able to speak.
The young man puts his arm around him. "Oh, I think I see - I bet you just found out she's with you for your money?"
"No," the old man answers through his sobbing and tears, "I forgot where I live."

PREGNANT LADY
Court Case #1265 - Pregnant Lady

A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned to a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the bus driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, ' Well your honour, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said, ' The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Slogan's Liniment will reduce the swelling' and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a sign that said 'William's Big Stick Did The Trick' and I could hardly contain myself.

BUT your honour, when she moved a fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident...' well, I just lost it.

'CASE DISMISSED'